Lepas Stressssssssssssssssss!!!

Seorang anak kecil mengadakan penelitian terhadap seekot kodok. Ia berteriak kepada kodok tersebut " loncat !!", dan kodok itu pun meloncat sejauh 60 cm. Ia mencatat hasil itu ke bukunya.

Kemudian, ia mengikat satu kaki kodok tersebut, lalu kembali berteriak "Loncat !!", kodok itu meloncat sejauh 40 cm. Kembali anak kecil itu mencatatnya.
Anak tersebut mengikat lagi kaki kodok tersebut. Dan kembali berteriak "Loncat !!", Kodok itu masih dapat meloncat sejauh 15 cm. anak itu mencatatnya lagi.
Setelah kaki ke-3 diikatkan, Anak kecil itu memerintahkan kodok itu meloncat, dengan susah payah kodok itu meloncat miring dan hanya mencapai 5 cm. Anak itu tetap mencatat hasil tersebut ke dalam bukunya.

Karena masih belum puas dengan hasil statistik yang dibuatnya, anak kecil itu mengikat semua kaki kodok itu, lalu ia berteriak lagi "Loncat!!" Tetapi kodok itu diam saja, sekali lagi anak kecil itu berteriak lebih keras "Loncat !!!", kodok itu tetap tidak bergeming dari tempatnya.
Lalu dengan wajah serius ia memberi catatan dalam note-nya. "Tanpa kaki, Kodok menjadi budeg"

Guru: “Anak-anak, Latihan soal Matematika yaa…”
Murid: “Iya buu…”
Guru: “Jika tante kalian memberi 2 permen kepada kamu, kemudian dikasih lagi 5 permen, maka jawabannya adalah…?”
Murid: “Terimakasih Tanteee…”
Guru: *&#^!@^%$@!!

Seorang ibu di Medan melahirkan bayi laki-laki seberat 8,7 kg, Rabu (23/9). Bayi yang masih belum bernama ini memiliki panjang 62 cm dan lahir dengan cara cesar Rumah Sakit umum di Sumatera Utara.

“Bayi yang berat ini membuat operasi berlangsung agak berat, terutama saat proses mengambilnya keluar dari rahim sang ibu. Kakinya besar sekali,” ujar Dr. Binsar Sitanggang Sp.OG

Bayi lelaki ini lahir dalam keadaan sehat meski harus diberi selang oksigen karena mengalami gangguan pernapasan. “Makannya cukup banyak, hampir tidak pernah berhenti minum ASI setiap menit,” ujar Binsar.

“Bayi ini sungguh luar biasa, caranya dia menangis tidak seperti bayi pada umumnya. Sangat keras.”

Menurut Binsar, berat badan yang luar biasa besarnya (giant baby) ini merupakan akibat penyakit diabetes yang diderita ibunya Ani (41). Ani sebelumnya sempat dibawa ke bidan saat hendak melahirkan. Namun karena ada komplikasi, anak keempat Ani ini akhirnya harus lahir di rumah sakit dengan bantuan dokter.

Menurut American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, saat seorang ibu hamil mengalami kenaikan kadar gula secara tidak normal, bayi yang lahir pun akan menerima terlalu banyak glukosa dan tumbuh menjadi besar (raksasa).

Sebelumnya pernah ada bayi dengan berat 6,9 kg yang lahir di tahun 2007 di Indonesia, tepatnya di Jakarta dan sempat masuk museum rekor Indonesia.

Kenapa bukan pemain aja ya?
Anak umur 3 tahun: "Ma, kakak itu pendiem ya?"
Mama: (senang anaknya bisa menilai orang) "Hmm, emang kenapa, dek?"
Anak: "Abis kakak suka bilang ke aku, 'dek, diem dong!'."

Didengar oleh seseorang yang tidak jadi menyelamati kepekaan anak itu.


Maaf, kami tidak melayani londo...
Sekelompok teman: (membaca menu) "Mas sweet ice teanya tujuh, ya!"
Pelayan dengan muka bingung: "Umm, tunggu sebentar ya..."
(...)
Pelayan kembali: "Maaf mas, gak ada..."
Salah satu teman penasaran: "Kalau gitu ganti es teh manisnya aja tujuh deh, mas!"
Pelayan: "Oh kalo itu ada mas!"

Mall di jakarta, didengar oleh enam orang teman lainnya yang malas menjelaskan ke pelayan apa persamaan sweet ice tea dan es teh manis.


Itu namanya juga Restoran Masuk! Eh, atau Keluar?
Teman #1: "Wah.. Hotel ini keren juga, hotel apaan sih, baru yah...?"
Teman #2: "Iya... Keren bo..."
Ketika melewati pintu masuk hotel
Teman #1: "Eh bo... Ini namanya HOTEL ENTRANCE."
Teman #2: "Oohh... Hotel entrance, baru pasti, gua baru liat, keren juga nih hotel entrance..."

Didengar oleh teman #3 yang ingin mencopot papan petunjuk itu dan menjejalkannya ke mulut mereka.

Sekalian membunuh kuman sih...
Nenek: "Nenek haus nih, tolong beliin Kaporit Sweat dong."

Didengar oleh cucu yang berpikir apakah ia harus ke supermarket atau ke kolam renang.


Inget, harga BBM udah naik!
Anak Kecil: (kebelet) "Ma, mau pipis!"
Ibu: (sibuk belanja baju) "Gak boleh! Mama lagi ga ada duit!"

Pondok Indah Mall, didengar oleh seseorang yang tergerak hatinya ingin membelikannya sebungkus.


Keluarganya sudah terlalu besar mungkin?
Kakek Pikun: "Cu, sekarang kamu kelas berapa?"
Cucu: "Kelas 5 SD, kek."
Kakek Pikun: "Wah, cucu kakek udah besar ya... Udah dikebiri belum?"

Didengar oleh sepupu yang tiba-tiba merasa ngilu di daerah selangkangan.

Mama kok mukanya merah?
Anak SD: "Mamaaa!" (turun dari mobil antar-jemput dan berteriak dari luar pagar)
Tante X: "Eh, itu anak saya pulang.."
Anak SD: "Ma, tadi aku mencongak loo!" (masih di luar pagar)
Tante X: "Oyaa? Dapet berapa?" (sambil membuka pagar)
Anak SD: (dengan sangat lantang dan keras) Enoool!!" (tersenyum bangga)
Tante X: "Oh.." (celinguk kanan kiri)

Kelapa gading, didengar oleh tamu si ibu yang berpikir keras mencari alasan untuk pulang.


Emangnya eke cowok apaan?!
Pelayan: "Iced lemon tea?
Cowok melambai: "iyah, punya saya mas..."
Setelah meletakan minuman di meja, pelayan beranjak pergi beberapa langkah...
Cowok melambai: "Mas, 'isepan'nya mana?!" (teriak spontan)

Kafe di jakarta selatan, didengar oleh pengunjung lain yang ingin sekali memberikan tissue ke si pelayan.


Memang banyak sih yang nanya hal yang sama . . .
Petugas penerima phone order: "Malam, anda ingin pesan apa?"
Pemesan: "Eh, ini mbak atau mas?"

Ruang kerja tim yang sedang dikejar deadline, didengar oleh semua anggota tim yang memutuskan untuk pergi ke warteg sebelah.

Saat istirahat sekolah, si Thole dan Panjul duduk-duduk berdua sambil mengobrol. Mereka lalu saling membanggakan ayahnya masing-masing.
Keduanya berusaha agar ayahnya tampak lebih unggul dari ayah temannya.

Teringat akan pelajaran geografi pagi harinya Panjul bertanya, "Kamu tahu Terusan Sues kan?"

"Tahu, yang diterangkan Bu Guru tadi pagi kan? Kenapa?" tanya si Thole.

"Itu ayahku yang menggalinya," kata Panjul.

"Kamu tahu Laut Mati nggak?" tanya si Thole.

"Tahu. Kenapa?" Panjul balik bertanya.

"Itu ayahku yang membunuhnya ...."

A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"

Only one hand shot up.

"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'Unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

When I was introduced to a couple visiting our congregation, I decided to remember their names by noting they were the same as those of two characters in a popular children's story.

After the services I stopped to talk to them, and as they were saying goodbye I teased, "Be careful going up that hill! But you must get that all the time."

They smiled politely but said nothing. After they left, my wife asked, "What was that all about?"

"Jack and Jill. Up the hill. Remember?" I said.

"Yes, but what does that have to do with," she pointed to the couple, "Dick and Jane?"

What's a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed - cry, cry again!

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't really know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't really know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't really know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, "Dad, do you mind me asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son. How else are you ever going to learn anything?" replied his father.

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't really know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't really know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't really know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, "Dad, do you mind me asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son. How else are you ever going to learn anything?" replied his father.

The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward.

"Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week.

"I don't know what you mean," replied the second.

"It's simple," replied the first. "Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?"

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.

''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes (4th grade). They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

"No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If an American Air Force plane, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"